WEEKLY COUPLES THERAPY: VERMONT & CALIFORNIA
When it feels like you're speaking different languages
Perhaps you've found yourselves having the same argument over and over again.
One of you reaches out while the other pulls away. Conversations escalate quickly or shut down entirely. Resentment builds. Intimacy fades. The distance between you grows wider, even though neither of you wants it to.
Maybe some of these thoughts sound familiar:
“You don’t listen. No matter how hard I try, I can never get through to you.”
“All I hear is what I’m doing wrong.”
“I never get it right. It’s never enough for you.”
“It’s all on me. I have to take care of everything myself.”
“You’re not on my team.”
“I don’t feel like I matter, or that you care.”
"It’s like I’m damned if I do, and damned if I don’t.”
“You never initiate sex. It is always up to me.”
“It feels like we’re roommates.”
If so, you’re not alone.
These painful patterns show up in relationships every day. While it can feel like your relationship is uniquely broken or hopeless, the truth is that the struggles couples experience are often surprisingly predictable. More importantly, they are treatable.
Understanding the cycle beneath the conflict
Most couples come to therapy focused on the content of their arguments: the chores, parenting decisions, intimacy, finances, or communication problems.
But beneath those conflicts is often something deeper.
Attachment theory helps us understand that we are wired for connection. When we feel disconnected from our partner, we naturally try to restore safety and closeness. Unfortunately, the strategies we use to protect ourselves often create the very distance we're trying to avoid.
One partner pursues. The other withdraws.
One criticizes. The other shuts down.
One reaches for reassurance. The other feels overwhelmed.
Over time, couples become trapped in a negative cycle that leaves both people feeling alone, misunderstood, and exhausted.
The good news is that once we can identify the cycle, we can begin to change it.
A proven path toward connection
My work with couples is rooted in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), developed by Dr. Sue Johnson.
EFT is one of the most researched and effective approaches to couples therapy available today. In fact, it is widely considered the gold standard for couples therapy because decades of research have demonstrated how and why it works. To hear an overview of EFT from Dr. Sue Johnson herself, I recommend watching her introductory video.
Rather than teaching communication techniques alone, EFT helps couples understand the deeper emotions and attachment needs driving their interactions. As these underlying patterns become clearer, couples are able to reconnect, respond to one another differently, and create a more secure and supportive bond.
Research consistently shows that EFT helps couples reduce distress, strengthen emotional connection, and create lasting change. In a 2022 meta-analysis of EFT, researchers found that of 330 couples studied, 70% were symptom free at the end of EFT treatment. Wow!
Why I practice this way
After more than 25 years as a therapist, I've learned firsthand that not all couples therapy is created equal.
Relationship work can be messy, confusing, and deeply emotional. Without a clear framework, sessions can sometimes become a place to vent frustrations without creating meaningful change.
What I value about EFT is that it offers both compassion and direction. It provides a roadmap for understanding what's happening between you and your partner, while creating opportunities for genuine healing and connection.
My training in EFT is extensive, and my commitment to ongoing professional development remains a central part of my work. I continue to pursue advanced training, consultation, and learning opportunities because I believe my clients deserve the highest level of care possible.
It is a privilege to help couples find one another again beneath the hurt, misunderstandings, and protective patterns that have gotten in the way.
You don't have to figure this out alone.
Even strong relationships can become stuck.
With the right support, it's possible to understand what's happening, repair old wounds, and create a relationship that feels safer, more connected, and more life-giving for both of you.
If you're ready to begin, I invite you to schedule an initial consultation.
FAQs
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Emotionally Focused Therapy is one of the most researched and effective approaches for couples therapy. It helps couples understand the underlying attachment needs driving conflict and create new experiences of safety, trust, and connection.
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While it helps when both partners are motivated, couples often begin therapy with different levels of enthusiasm. What's most important is a willingness to participate honestly in the process.
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Yes. Often recurring arguments are symptoms of a deeper cycle that leaves both partners feeling misunderstood, alone, or disconnected. Therapy helps identify that cycle and create new ways of reaching for one another.
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Absolutely. Many couples come to therapy because they feel more like roommates than partners. Together we'll explore what's getting in the way of connection and begin rebuilding emotional intimacy.
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No. My role is to support the relationship itself. I strive to understand each partner's experience while helping both people recognize the patterns that keep them stuck.
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I do not accept insurance directly. However, I can provide a monthly superbill that some clients may submit to their insurance company for possible out-of-network reimbursement.
“In all of its varied and protean forms, love is the tether binding our whirling lives. Without that biological anchor, all of us are flung outward, singly into the encroaching dark.”
— Fari Amini, Richard Lannon, and Thomas Lewis, A General Theory of Love